My earliest horrible pains happened when I was abt 5, and the ” SS ” Nazis came to our door and hauled off my dad to Nazi-hell-jail, because from the pulpit he told his congregation to Nix.. or better ” not vote” for Hitler because he was an insane and evil criminal.
Monday morning they came to ” git him”.
This happened 3 times. I had forgotten my little blue sweater in pre-school, t’was a terrible thing of course and no one could tell me it was because of my forgetfulness.. that “they” were punishing me w. picking up my dad.
I grew up with guiltfeelings because of this.. and no one even tried to talk me out of it.
Once ” they” allowed mom and me to visit dad in jail.. but all we got to see was a fat guy in a frontoffice who told us he wasen’t allowed to let us see dad.
I remember hearing cries and sobs in the background.. but never saw dad.
I was only 5 and had to figure out by myself what was happening, no one bothered to explain things to me. It just was what it was.. go figure it out.. little one ;(
I can see how it could be confusing for you at such a young age. Funny how we get thinks in our head like your feeling guilty.